Know any poultry jokes?
- Thread starter Icemaiden
- Start date
19
'A husband room his wife to the doctor.
Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken'.
The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?'
The husband replied, 'Three years'. The doctor was horrified, 'Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?'
The husband said sheepishly, 'Because we needed the eggs.'
Q. Is It Okay To Eat Fried Chicken With Your Fingers?
A. No, The Fingers Should Be Eaten Separately
Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken'.
The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?'
The husband replied, 'Three years'. The doctor was horrified, 'Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?'
The husband said sheepishly, 'Because we needed the eggs.'
Q. Is It Okay To Eat Fried Chicken With Your Fingers?
A. No, The Fingers Should Be Eaten Separately
chrismahon
Well-known member
Not very good with jokes Icemaiden. But this may make you smile.
I rang up this morning to enquire about a Blue Laced Wyandotte cockerel (lost Merlin yesterday). The lady said she had just one but couldn't remember how old he was because she has so many birds and her memory fails her. Apparently he is a good example, but some of his tail feathers are a bit tatty. "Why is that?" I asked. "Because THE MICE HAVE EATEN THEM". I am told it is a big problem with ground level coops here. The mice get in at night and nibble the birds feathers while they sleep, so getting and keeping birds ready for show is a bit problematic. Fortunately all our coops are well off the ground and hopefully impregnable to mice anyway.
I rang up this morning to enquire about a Blue Laced Wyandotte cockerel (lost Merlin yesterday). The lady said she had just one but couldn't remember how old he was because she has so many birds and her memory fails her. Apparently he is a good example, but some of his tail feathers are a bit tatty. "Why is that?" I asked. "Because THE MICE HAVE EATEN THEM". I am told it is a big problem with ground level coops here. The mice get in at night and nibble the birds feathers while they sleep, so getting and keeping birds ready for show is a bit problematic. Fortunately all our coops are well off the ground and hopefully impregnable to mice anyway.
Sorry to hear about Merlin, Chris. Perhaps we should have an Obituary thread?
chrismahon
Well-known member
Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned Merlin Marigold? I was trying to cheer up Icemaiden but have probably failed dismally.
Are you thinking along the lines of Paul O'Grady? That's the only bit of his Sunday Radio programme I find depressing -that's usually when I switch off or go into the shed for a smoke and a beer.
Are you thinking along the lines of Paul O'Grady? That's the only bit of his Sunday Radio programme I find depressing -that's usually when I switch off or go into the shed for a smoke and a beer.
Margaid
Well-known member
Sorry to hear about Merlin Chris.
Marigold, why don't you post a picture of Poppy? She should cheer everyone up.
Marigold, why don't you post a picture of Poppy? She should cheer everyone up.
OK, here she is - ten-week-old Norfolk Terrier (or Norfolk Terrorist would be more appropriate where the hens- and my slippers- are concerned.)
[ATTACH type="full" alt="image.
[attachment=1]image.jpg"]0[/ATTACH]
She's certainly keeping us cheerful, dear little girl, doing well with what all the American videos on puppy training call 'going to the bathroom' and enchanting all our many visitors.
Am starting a new thread for animal friends who have died, including our dear little Trog, which I hope people will like to use when the occasion arises.
[ATTACH type="full" alt="image.
[attachment=1]image.jpg"]0[/ATTACH]
She's certainly keeping us cheerful, dear little girl, doing well with what all the American videos on puppy training call 'going to the bathroom' and enchanting all our many visitors.
Am starting a new thread for animal friends who have died, including our dear little Trog, which I hope people will like to use when the occasion arises.
Attachments
chrismahon said:
No worries Chris; sorry to hear about Merlin; I presume that he's gone to meet Trog, rather than just disappearing as my Energiser did?
You have at least put my girls' latest outbreak of feather pecking into context. Perhaps your supplier might find trackerballs in her coops less destructive than mice?
chrismahon
Well-known member
Well the tiny little chap has arrived Icemaiden. He's in sick bay at the moment because the torrential rain has stopped me putting a new roof on his quarantine coop. He has no tail at all but is otherwise very healthy, is about 6 months old, crows like a baby frog and will be eaten alive by his girls if we 'just put him in' as recommended. Seems we have the last remaining Wyandottes (Wiandottes called here) with any Utility characteristics. Our birds are far larger than the show strains and far more aggressive. But this little chap was the only Blue Laced Wyandotte cockerel available in the whole of France, according to the National web site. So now we are fighting to keep our strain going and will have to breed from him this year because our girls are getting rather old.
What are 'trackerballs'?
What are 'trackerballs'?
Icemaiden said:
Very similar - Poppy is at present in her puppy coat and most of the darker hairs will come out at about 16 weeks old, when she will probably be a bit deeper red-brown than Trog.
Poppy's great-great- grandfather was the brother of our first Norfolk, Grub, who was a sort of cousin to Trog, so its nice to keep it in the family. However, Poppy's grandfather arrived from the U.S.A . in a vial of frozen semen, and her grandfather on her Mum's side was a dog the breeder had imported from Sweden, so she has good genetic diversity in her pedigree. The trouble with small dogs that only have litters of 1-3 and are not overbred is ensuring that the gene pool doesn't get too small. The advent of the pet passport has made a lot of difference.
One of Poppy's brothers, Chester, is going to Australia when he's big enough to satisfy the inoculation regulations, via 6 months in Spain with friends of his eventual owners whilst he has his rabies vaccination proved, and then he will only need 2 weeks in quarantine in Australia instead of 6months. Poppy's grandmother was the only Norfolk ever to win Best in Show at Crufts, so I expect Chester will be showed over there. Trog's brother went to Colorado on the lap of a lady who flew to the U.K. to collect him, just after 9.11 when there was such panic about air travel. So people go to great lengths to get one if these lovely little terriers. But our little girl will just enjoy a good terrier life hunting around in hedgerows, chasing cats out of the garden, and learning to live with Marigold and Co. No nonsense poncing around in a show ring!
tygrysek75
Member
Maybe this will make you smile
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjlKWokWmaQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjlKWokWmaQ
tygrysek75 said:
It certainly did, Tyg! Aren't those girls incredible?
Thanks Tygresek.
While I can't watch YouTube on my pc (not sure if it's our breathtakingly slow internet connection), my sister showed me this clip a few weeks ago at her place, so thanks for the reminder!
While I can't watch YouTube on my pc (not sure if it's our breathtakingly slow internet connection), my sister showed me this clip a few weeks ago at her place, so thanks for the reminder!
Margaid
Well-known member
I bought a birthday card for a chicken keeper friend. 2 hens having a chat and one says to the other
"I dream of a better world, where Chickens can cross the road without having their motives challenged"!
"I dream of a better world, where Chickens can cross the road without having their motives challenged"!
Not a poultry joke but this will cheer you all up!
http://youtu.be/8-p0CxW87pg
http://youtu.be/8-p0CxW87pg
chrismahon
Well-known member
I enjoyed that Marigold.
Here's what i've found...
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did the chicken disappoint his mother?
He wasnt what he was cracked up to be.
Why did the rooster file for divorce?
He was tired of being hen-pecked.
Is chicken soup excellent for your health?
Not if youre the chicken.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics!
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Which day of the week do chickens despise most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a chicken with a disability?
Hendicapped.
What do call a chicken who got too close to a nuclear plant?
Atomic cluck.
Why did the rooster stay outside dring the blizzard?
It was fowl weather.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
With four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
It wanted to get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the internet?
It wanted to get to the other site.
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up?
An alarm cluck.
What does an alarm cluck say?
Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo clock.
Why is it simple for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why did the rooster run away?
He was chicken.
Why dont chickens like people?
Because we beat eggs.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chickens day off.
What happened to the chicken whose feathers pointed the incorrect way?
She was tickled to death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She wanted to see a man lay a brick.
What does a chicken wipe his beak with?
A henkerchief.
What time do chickens go to lunch?
Twelve o cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the state line?
To get out of Kentucky.
Which religious man do chickens dread most?
The friar.
How do you know when a chicken is under arrest?
Shes wearing hencuffs.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Why didnt the chicken skeleton cross the road?
Because he didnt have enough guts.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadnt evolved yet.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be done.
Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
Because it ran out of cluck.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moooooovies.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
You scratch my beak and Ill scratch yours.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to ring its own neck.
What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
Pooched eggs.
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
Because eggs were going up.
How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
Because she was worried someone would caesar!
Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser.
What do you call a joke book for chickens?
A yolk book.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To cockadoodle dooo something.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasnt chicken.
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
He kicked the bucket.
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!
Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment.
How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday?
Eat him on Saturday!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did the chicken disappoint his mother?
He wasnt what he was cracked up to be.
Why did the rooster file for divorce?
He was tired of being hen-pecked.
Is chicken soup excellent for your health?
Not if youre the chicken.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics!
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Which day of the week do chickens despise most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a chicken with a disability?
Hendicapped.
What do call a chicken who got too close to a nuclear plant?
Atomic cluck.
Why did the rooster stay outside dring the blizzard?
It was fowl weather.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
With four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
It wanted to get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the internet?
It wanted to get to the other site.
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up?
An alarm cluck.
What does an alarm cluck say?
Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo clock.
Why is it simple for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
Why did the rooster run away?
He was chicken.
Why dont chickens like people?
Because we beat eggs.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chickens day off.
What happened to the chicken whose feathers pointed the incorrect way?
She was tickled to death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She wanted to see a man lay a brick.
What does a chicken wipe his beak with?
A henkerchief.
What time do chickens go to lunch?
Twelve o cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the state line?
To get out of Kentucky.
Which religious man do chickens dread most?
The friar.
How do you know when a chicken is under arrest?
Shes wearing hencuffs.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Why didnt the chicken skeleton cross the road?
Because he didnt have enough guts.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadnt evolved yet.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be done.
Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
Because it ran out of cluck.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moooooovies.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
You scratch my beak and Ill scratch yours.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to ring its own neck.
What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
Pooched eggs.
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
Because eggs were going up.
How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
Because she was worried someone would caesar!
Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
Because he was a dirty double crosser.
What do you call a joke book for chickens?
A yolk book.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To cockadoodle dooo something.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasnt chicken.
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
He kicked the bucket.
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!
Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment.
How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday?
Eat him on Saturday!
Help!
What a way to start the day!
I wouldn't want to egg you on any more, Matthew!
What a way to start the day!
I wouldn't want to egg you on any more, Matthew!
luvchickens
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A city slicker was driving in the countryside and decided to take a shortcut across a creek. As soon as he entered the water, he sank down about ten feet. An old farmer had to rescue him, and when he got him back on land, he asked, "What were you thinking?" The city slicker looked puzzled. "I don't understand," he said. "The water only came up to the middle of the ducks!"
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