porpoise

[bigyetiman]

Heard this corker on a rail replacement bus today.
1st woman "has your husband had his appointment yet"
2nd woman " oh yes, they put a camera up him and found he had several porpoises up there and they can turn nasty if left" (yes their funny like that)
1st woman " will he be ok now"
2nd woman "should be, but he must have regular check ups, as they can come back you know, they just use a laser to get rid of them.
1st woman " I think thats what my brother in law had up his nose, they gave him nose bleeds"
By this time I was humming the tune to Flipper

 

[rick]

Thats priceless bigyetiman
I don't know how you manage to stay on the road!

 

[Marigold]

Hilarious - but I'm puzzled - what did she mean by porpoises?
Polyps, perhaps?

 

[bigyetiman]

I am assuming she meant polyps, if it really was porpoise, thats going to be one hell of an episode on Blue Planet !!
My mum once came out with a good one, talking about someone who had blocked Filipino tubes and that was why she couldn't get pregnant.
It's not easy at times Marigold. Like the girl just before Christmas who was bemoaning the fact that her partner wanted her to cook a turkey for Christmas which she couldn't do as in her own words " I aint never cooked a turkey before, I don't even know what one looks like, I'm going to get turkey strips he'll never know the difference" !!! I felt like telling her he certainly would. Then her friend said that they didn't have an oven as if it couldn't go in a microwave they didn't buy it. At that point I was so glad the other half loves cooking.
I do see all sorts I must admit

 

[dinosaw]

Another great one BYM. Like they say, if they come back they can always get a qualified Sturgeon to remove them with a laser Bream.

 

[bigyetiman]

Excellent Dinosaw, you should come and work with me, you are on my wavelength, not like some I work with.
One of our services is very underused, so come March it is changing during the day to hourly rather than half hourly. A woman got on the bus moaning about this, I just said not enough people are using it outside of the rush hour to make it profitable to run half hourly and she said, well I use it once a month, surely thats enough

 

[Hen-Gen]

Whilst I could never condone the Nazis trying to breed the master race ...................................................!

(Fill in your own ending to this sentence)

 

[happy hen]

Priceless ! loving the sturgeon comment

 

[valeriebutterley]

.....she was obviously a fisherwoman!

Keep them coming BYM, please.

 

[dinosaw]

I know what you mean BYM, I probably get more blank looks than laughs for my jokes.

 

[bigyetiman]

Bit of a shoe theme today, after we had all recovered from total gridlock due to the QE2 bridge being closed due to high winds.
A Nigerian woman comes over to our office with a very heavy accent and says she has lost a shoe, now I naturally assume she has bought some shoes and left one or both on a bus.
"nothing has been handed in which bus were you on as its on the road and I can radio the driver to have a look when he stops"
"not today it was Sunday on a KICC bus (special buses hired to go to evangelical church in London).It was one shoe that I was wearing
"You didn't realise you got off the bus with only one shoe?
"Not until today when I went to wear them"
" well no shoe has been handed in"
"I want the bus driver arrested he has stolen my shoe and must be wearing it"
"Was it a steel toe capped boot then, and we don't have any one legged drivers"
"Are you trying to be funny,I could have you arrested to"

Then a regular customer comes up with a foot and ankle in plaster to ask a question I said "you've been in the wars"
to which she said " I am suing the shoemaker I bought a £200 pair of designer shoes with 4 inch heels and they were defective as when I ran for a bus in them I fell over" I think the big clue was in the words 4 inch heels and running love.
We are not even safe when manning the traffic office rather than being on a bus