How to give a cat a pill.

Marigold

Marigold

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1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
 
That really did make me laugh Marigold !!!

Reminds me that after all the trouble we have gone to protecting our chickens, they free range for the second time and find a large yellow jelly fungus and demolish it! Hope it's not poisonous because otherwise we have lost three by morning -Lucy, Molly and Ollie. By the time I had got into the new enclosure they had eaten half of it. Just looked appetising I suppose. They normally hang off tree trunks but when they get large enough they come unstuck and grow on the floor.

Can't say I see much use for cats. Hamster is same but more economical.
 
Sneak up on cat.
Wrap cat in towel, taking care to get all 4 paws in.
Insert wrapped cat into sturdy drawstring bag, leaving just the head out.
Wap bagged cat in old winter coat, then in duvet, to contain claws.
Get spouse to spread real butter over pill.
Hold cat's jaws open. Insert pill as far down cat's throat as possible. Ask spouse to hold jaws firmly shut, while you struggle to keep hold of frantically wriggling cat. Stroke cat's throat & keep jaws shut for at least 10 minutes. Check mouth before releasing cat.

N.B. The "coating the tablet in butter" trick only worked once; she wised up to it pretty quickly. The towel, drawstring bag, coat & duvet save on ruined curtains & trips to A&E though... :-)17
 
Our original cat, having been run over and badly injured at the age of two, was very prone to attacks of cystitis. The vet eventually suggested that, if at all possible, we give her a 50mg vitamin c pill. From about the age of four until the last week of her life, when she was 3 months short of her 21st birthday, she took a vitaminc c pill every day.

Every evening at about 9.15 we had "pill and biccies" - she wasn't allowed dried cat food, which she loved, because of the cystitis. I would get the pill and 3 pieces of dried cat food and put them on the corner of the kitchen table. She would come to me and I would tell her to sit down. Once she was sitting, I crouched down with the pill between my first finger and thumb. I would touch the side of her mouth with the middle finger of the habe holding the pill and tell her to "open wide". At the same time I held the back of her head gently. She would open her mouth and, as her tongue worked revealing her throat, I would throw the pill into the void. it was swallowed immediately and she was then given the "biccies" as a reward. OH could do it as well.

It was her party trick and cat owning friends would watch open mouthed at this cat that would take her pill. If, as occasionally happened, she had an attack of cystitis that meant antibiotics twice a day for 5 days. The technique, minus the biccies, worked flawlessly for three days - then she would decide she was better and two pills a day was one too many. It simply meant holding her head a bit more firmly.

OH once used the technique with a friend's cat - he arrived when the household were trying to give the cat a pill and the atmosphere was VERY fraught. No-one was more surprised than he when the cat swallowed the pill with out any fuss.

The secret to get a cat to open it's mouth, provided of course that you have caught the cat, is to press on the SIDE more or less where the jaw hinges. Trying to pull the lower jaw down from the front is much more difficult and you'll probably get bitten. Can't do it with our current cats as there's only one that I can pick up. Worm pills go in beaten egg/milk mix instead!
 
Sounds a bit like the reflex action used when shearing sheep. Press in the right places and the legs straighten.
 
That's just brilliant, Margaid. It would go viral on YouTube if you could video it.

How to give my dog a worming pill; get cheese box out of fridge and open lid very quietly. Dog will immediately wake from deep sleep two rooms away and appear at my side, looking hopeful. Cut off piece of cheese just sufficient to wrap round pill. Dolcelatte is best but Stilton also good. By now dog will be slavering and squirming with anticipation. Get dog to Sit nicely. Make dog go through daily routine of Sit - Leave - Take!
Pill disappears, dog happy.

Not sure if this indicates greater or lesser intelligence in dogs, relative to cats. Quite a bit easier than squirting a syringe of wormer paste down a plunging pony's throat, though, without getting it all down your coat sleeve instead. Makes Flubenvet look like a doddle, doesn't it?
 
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