One of those days

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bigyetiman

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You just know it's going to be one of those days, when you take a bus into Lakeside at 4.30 am and a young lady gets up from a seat at the bus station and says there is a neatly piled stack of clothes on a nearby seat, which she thinks is a bit odd, I looked there they were a neat pile with a pair of smart shoes on top. So I call security and looked around can't see anyone, so he takes the gents toilet and I checked the ladies. Sitting cross legged on the floor of the Ladies is a stark naked man. We pointed out he can't really sit there like that especially in the ladies. To which he says ladies and gents are just words which have no meaning as we are all human beings and no different from one another so he can sit where he likes without resorting to the disguise of clothing, which imprisons the spirit and soul.
Text OH to tell her this and all she can say back is "what were you doing in the ladies"
Then she top trumps me by finding a Minke Whale swimming along the Thames at Rainham Marsh
 
I loved this. what did you do with him in the end? Did he eventually get dressed and leave?

When is your book going to be published, BYM? You must have enough material for a best seller that would enable you to retire and spend all your time birdwatching!
 
I had to take the bus out, and in spite of supposedly being controller today, because of roadworks, I have been on a bus all day. They were waiting for the police to come, I haven't caught up with the security guard yet.
Watch this space
I have also had a woman trying to convert everyone on a bus, and trying to save everyone's souls including mine. I told her I was a Satanist, just to liven things up.
If I do write a book I will make sure you get a signed copy. The Tilbury wedding we attended, where the bride who had 4 daughters with 30 children between them will be a very entertaining chapter believe me
 
Thanks, I'm looking forward too my signed copy very much.
Still wondering how he got from undressing on the bus, folding his clothes into a neat pile, and walking naked past you off the bus and along to the Ladies without anyone spotting him - even at 4.30 a.m.
 
The clothes were already there when the young lady got to the bus stop, she was waiting for my bus to come in. Not sure how long he had been there. The TFL buses run until past midnight so he could have got off the last one and been there for hours.
Security called the police who came and took him away as he declined to move or put clothes on.
We did have someone take a bus out of the yard once with a fox asleep on a seat, as someone had left the doors open all night, and I brought a bus back to the yard one night and was paying in and a man wandered through the door, he had fallen asleep and not got off at the last stop. I did see him when I checked.
 
Marigold said:
I loved this. what did you do with him in the end? Did he eventually get dressed and leave?

When is your book going to be published, BYM? You must have enough material for a best seller that would enable you to retire and spend all your time birdwatching!
Click to expand...

Maybe BYM is saving all the stories up, and his book is going to be his pension fund!
 
After someone throwing a brick through the glass door whilst on rail replacement this morning, the day got slightly more normal with a man coming up to the office window and saying he had left his book on the bus. we asked what it was called
"Improve your Memory, it was £30"
"Not read much of it then, we haven't had a book handed in yet, what bus have you got off I will call the driver"
" No, I think I lost it about 3 months ago"
" So you are looking for it now, we haven't got a book like that here, only Martina Cole, and 2 Bibles, and it isn't in the lost property book"
" I am going to my lawyer, and the police, you have stolen it, it was an expensive brain training book"
"It may not have been handed in at all if it isn't in the lost property book"
" I am going to the police, as your driver must have stolen it then"
"Or a passenger"
" Well a passenger wouldn't do that, you look like a person who would steal a book"
If only he had come when I had the shower cap on :-)07 :-)07
 
bigyetiman said:
" I am going to my lawyer, and the police, you have stolen it, it was an expensive brain training book"
Click to expand...

I really love his logic :-)10 What a shame he lost it as his brain obviously needs training.

On second thoughts, can you actually train a brain that's as bad as his ???????
 
I think that will be from the chapter, "Terminally Bewildered"
Bit like the girl just after lunch.
"Why didn't the 12.45 "66" bus run ?"
"Yes it did"
"Well it wasn't there when I came out at 1.15"
" That's because it leaves at 12.45, that's the whole point of a timetable"
"Yes, well it needs to wait on Sat-Mon as I don't leave work until 1pm and get to the bus stop at 1.15 or I have a half hour to wait"
" if you live in Tilbury you could get a 73 or 83"
" They stop in the next road and it would mean a 15 min walk which is miles (Really), the 66 stops outside my house"
" You need a time machine love"
"You're not being much help"
 
If you wrote it as a comedian's script no-one would believe you!

Can't wait for the book !!!!!!
 
Seriously BYM, you should collect all these stories and/or send them into the stand-up of your choice and hear them relayed to the rest of us. Second thoughts, keep them for your book, you could become like James Herriot! I'm sure you could find a way of interspersing these daft episodes against an uplifting backdrop of birds and the natural world, plus all your other interests. Next question, who will play you and Mrs BYM in the film/TV spin off?
 
Very true Margaid, or perhaps Noddy Holder from Slade, or Billy Connolly. Helen Mirren could be OH
I know the writer of Only Fools and Horses based a lot of the episodes on actual things that happened to him as a market trader, and the chandelier episode happened to a friend of his.
Some of the drivers can also provide their own stupidity as well.
I met OH on the bus by the way. It wasn't love at first sight, she said she thought "what in God's name is that driving the bus" :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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