If pets kept a diary...

Glad you told me that, Chris, as I was thinking of using it for the quails when they go back into their indoor cages in Autumn. (Since I've got such a massive amount of it spare!) no problems so far with the girls, they've all got big tough feet. They're still a bit inclined to spook today, they've got used to walking around on it but were jumpy this morning when I went in the run. They had obviously all got togethere last night and decided the best thing to do was to get on and all lay their eggs early, by 9a.m, so I would let them out in the garden. They hadn't reckoned with the Flubenvet!

Big Puss's Diary:

What a day! About a quarter to eight I squeezed through that funny hole in the wall to see what was for breakfast. Just settled down to eat when a noise startled me so I legged it back out through the hole, but I couldn't get outside as there was some tunnel thing against the hole.

Well I wasn't going to stay in there so quick as a flash I turned round and hurtled back through the hole. There was light beyond the food dishes, but when I got there, there was some funny hard clear stuff that I could see through but couldn't get through. So I hared back to the hole in the wall, only to realise the tunnel thing was still there.

Before I knew what was happening this great big net came at me from behind; well I wasn't having that! I spat and snarled and twisted and turned, knocking away a stick so something came down across the hole in the wall. This was even worse!! Now I couldn't see whether the tunnel thing was still there. SHE was holding the net against the wall, and was really struggling to keep me there as I lurched from side to side trying to get out of the net. I decided to try and bite my way out but SHE started pushing me with her foot. I wasn't having any of that so decided to risk the hole again.

Damn!! The tunnel thing was still there and it tipped up a bit so I couldn't scrabble back up the plastic. Next thing HE's put a metal grill across the hole and is telling me I'm a good puss. I'll give him good puss if I can get out of here! Then the tunnel thing goes up in the air which I don't like and I can see the caravan and other things passing by. HE puts it on the ground but tilted so I can't scrabble up to the grill. I try rocking it from side to side but I can't make it fall over and HE keeps telling me to calm down and be a good puss.

CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN??? I'm stuck in this plastic box, didn't finish my breakfast and haven't had my milk!!!

After a while the box thing is lifted up again and put flat. I can see down the yard but still can't get out. If I sit here quietly they might think I'm calm and open the grill so I can get out, but then there's a bang and it goes dark. There's a funny noise and some vibration and then it feels like we're moving. What's happening??? I don't like this but I'm Big Puss, so I'm not going to make a sound.

Then we stopped and suddenly it was light again and SHE said I was a good puss before lifting the box thing and walking off. We're indoors, but it isn't the caravan and it smells strange. SHE is telling another one my name and what happened this morning. The other one looked in the box thing and said she could see why I was called Big Puss. I'm a handsome lad I am.

Up goes the box again and this time it's put down quite high up. SHE's telling some others about my fight with the net - they seem to think it's very funny. Then SHE says, "He's quite wild and very angry although he was quiet all the way here and seems quite calm now" but another one said "I know his type, give him half an inch and he'll be out of there - we'd better warn the nurses" Warn the nurses??? What's going on? I'm not ill, I'm in my prime, at my peak. Haven't I got that simpering female in kitten twice since April??

SHE disappears and it all went a bit hazy after that. I seem to remember something pricking me and then I must have gone to sleep. I woke up quite a while later, feeling decidedly woozy so just sat quietly waiting for it to pass off. I wasn't feeling quite comfortable either but was too sleepy to work out why.

The box thing was lifted up again and suddenly SHE was there again, being told to keep me in this box thing as late as possible. They said I could have some food, but SHE said I'd be out of the box if she opened the grill, so I'd have to wait. I was STARVING, but she didn't seem to care. Then it all went dark and there was the funny noise and vibration and we seemed to be moving.

After a bit we stopped and then it was light again. HE turned up and put his finger through the bars to scratch my head. I thought better of biting it as I wanted to get out of the box. HE said I should stay where I was for a bit as HE didn't want the kittens to see me in the box. I should hope not!!! What about my street cred??? The wretched thing is a sort of pinky colour as well just to add insult to injury. Anyway they went away and left me.

OK, so I'm sat in this box thing a couple of feet off the ground and there's no one around. Let's have a go at this grill thing. H'mm, too hard to bite through so let's try giving it a shove although I expect it's locked shut.

It isn't!!! I'm free!!! Jump down carefully as I'm still a bit wobbly and I'll leg it off to the hiding place in the field. But I'm hungry and thirsty and SHE used to put some food and milk outside so I'll risk going to have a look.

OH NO!!!!! SHE's come out of the caravan and seen me! I'd better scarper and hide. SHE's calling me, telling me there's dinner for me. A likely tale. I'll keep an eye on her from here. SHE's getting closer so I'll back off a bit, she's not getting me in that net or the box again. Oh wait, she's put something on the ground and walked away. Smells a bit like dinner. Let's creep closer and have a look.

Well SHE's gone and there's some dinner and a small bowl of milk. I'll get that down my neck and then I'm off! I'll go and see what I can find elsewhere.

Funny sort of day, bit traumatic and I'm still not sure what it was all about. I won't come back here for a bit though, my missus is still feeding the little kittens so she's not interested and that Daisy is still a bit young - she's not taken any notice of me so far so I'll have to give her a bit longer. Then I'll be back for some fun!

Wonderful! Poor Big Puss!
Looking forward to the next episode, when he finds out what's happened to him .......

Thanks Marigold. He's been seen around but not by me. It isn't unusual for us not to see hime for a few days, then he reappears thin and hungry. We have seen him about a mile and a half from here so his territory was quite extensive.

Trog's Christmas Eve diary.

I was just lying quietly on the sofa, pretending to sleep but keeping an eye on those parcels under the tree in case the paper accidentally fell off any of them, when She sneaked out if the room. I listened carefully for Food Sounds, but She didn't go into the kitchen, She went up into the bedroom, opened a drawer, got something out and started cutting up paper. I sniffed the air speculatively. Yes, definitely that unforgettable smell of Squeaky Toy from Pets at Home! I appeared silently at her side just as she was finishing wrapping it up. She was amazed to see me and said 'How on earth did you know what I was doing?' I don't think humans are very bright, they don't seem to have noses and ears that work like dogs do. She put the parcel under the tree, so I knew it was for me.
Then She switched on the telly. It was a horror movie called The Gruffalo's Child about a monster, a mouse and various terrifying animals. It was nearly as bad as Frozen Planet with David Attenborough and all those orcas and polar bears. I did some barking and tried to warn them both about the danger but they just laughed and She took my photo watching the most terrifying bit. I bet I have dreams tonight. Serve Her right if I keep everyone awake.

Still, I'm looking forward to my present tomorrow. I'm hoping to beat my record for total destruction of a fluffy squeaky, which at present stands at 6.75 minutes from ripping off paper to disabling squeaker and eating the nose. One year when I was a puppy I made the tactical mistake of helping Them unwrap the pile of presents overnight, to save trouble in the morning, but boy, was I in the doghouse! I don't want to do anything to jeopardise my Christmas dinner tomorrow, it's the only decent meal all year, real turkey (don't tell Marigold, she's a bit sensitive about eating poultry, she prefers mealworms, no accounting for tastes I suppose.)

Enjoyed that tale Marigold. Let us know how long the squeaky toy takes to stop squeaking.

Trog's Christmas Day


What are we waiting for?


At last!


Got the Sellotape off!


Five minutes later! I can't understand why She doesn't give me one of these more often!

Marigold, I'm not quite sure whether that expression in the last photo is saying 'I'm really disappointed with that!' or 'just go away and leave me alone with my new toy!'

My dogs enjoyed ripping up all the paper more than playing with what was inside!

So cute Marigold and 5 mintes is the new record then?

Marigold's diary, April 19th

Very strange things have been happening here the last two days. We were let out into the garden for a nice long time a couple of days ago, and there were bumping noises from in the run, though we were too busy scratching up the new grass to take much notice. At last she rattled the corn box and we all piled back in.
We were astounded! The coop had vanished! We all walked around the corner where it should have been, clucking to each other in amazement.
Saffron kept on flying up into the air space where it should have been.
.

But she couldnt find it.
So Nutmeg told me to get on and eat our tea, whilst Saffron and Ginger, the young pullets, went on searching for the coop. We tucked into the corn in our mash, and at last they found it, in a different corner of the run where nobody had thought of looking!



Saffron was dying to lay an egg, but she couldn't find the way in, because the coop was somehow facing the other way round. Luckily she is pretty bright for a Leghorn, and at last she bolted inside, found the nest box and laid her egg. This was helpful because she could show the rest of us where to go when it was roosting time.
Today we were let out on the grass again which was great, and when we got back in things were different. All the tarpaulin sides had been rolled up, so we could see out all round. I suppose she must think the warm weather has come. We shall see.

We've found that moving a coop 20 yards resulted in some standing where the coop was, looking very confused. First night the dimwits have to be carried to the new location. Our Bluebell hybrid was always one of them.

Hello all. Tufty here.
My great, great, great, great grandma read this thread, so rumour has it... I wouldn't know as I wasn't even an egg back then...

3rd February, 2020. The goosegrass is starting to grow again, the songbirds are singing to us & Mum's inspecting our combs & the size of our overnight poos in the hope that we might be thinking of laying soon. Personally I've got better things to do- ground to scratch up, dustbaths to have...

It's been a stressful few months. First we had scaly tailed invaders eating our food while we were in bed at night. Then our plastic feeder disappeared altogether! This scary metal contraption appeared, which Mum expected us to go near. No chance! When she stepped onto the flat bit at the bottom, its huge metal jaws opened. When she took her foot off, the jaws closed, hoping to get a bite of chicken head, I'm sure... It was terrifying!

Our feeder didn't come back and worse still, our corn & mealworms stopped being scattered in the run. Mum said that we had to eat out of the monster (she called it a "treadle feeder") and that if we were hungry enough, we'd use it... Easy for her to say. Would she eat Brussels sprouts in Hollandaise sauce if they were in the jaws if a crocodile? I don't think so...

We all went on hunger strike. After a few weeks Holly let her have a cuddle, to show her how much weight we'd all lost...

Nearly three months on, Holly and Hope are brave enough to approach the monster and step on its foot & eat. Nadia & I lie in wait for them to placate the beast, then we sidle up next to them & grab some layers' pellets out of it's open jaws. It's got us so stressed that Nadia's moulting again- she grew her winter coat in early autumn but she's l lost it all again:-( She does look funny without her tail- like a rumpless cream leg legbar hybrid!!

We don't have the uninvited guests anymore & there are no rat poos for Mum to clean up, but I'd still rather have our old feeder back. It's true that a bag of layers' pellets now last 50% longer, but that's partly because we're too scared to eat them :-(

Fantastic tale Margaid,
Izzie's diary

Oh here we go, 5.30am, still dark and the newbies (8 months) have got to start crashing around to lay an egg. I am 6 and never been fond of getting up early, there is a whole day to lay an egg in, and please do it quietly and why have you got to try and get in the Guinness Book of Records by seeing how many of you can get in one laying box.
Now the Maran next to me is awake and is deciding to have a wash and brush up, just what you want a foot in your ear, or a draught from flapping wing. Now they are clucking away, " my eggs bigger than yours". Well have I got news for you, I tried that malarkey when I was young and silly, resulted in something unpleasant called a prolapse. Next thing I knew everyone else whom I thought were my friends found my vent interesting, luckily I got away and hid. Then chicken mum grabs me and several people who I had never seen before started poking around, how embarrassing, words like, not too bad, that will go back with time. Yes also involved meagre rations, solitary confinement and something called piles cream. Then you find out your "friends" have completely forgotten who you are. Still that's all behind me now literally.
Once it gets light little miss " I can hang onto my poop all night" will go out the hole thing and do a huge pile just outside so I have to tread in it, it's not smart, not funny, and do you know how annoying it is to get it on white feathers.
Oh well I am wide awake now, suppose I could start to have a wash and brush up, takes a while to keep looking this good, hold on all gone quiet, lets get some sleep before all those damn rooks and jackdaws leave the woods and wake me up again, at least food appears then and everyone rushes out in a mad dash to fill their faces

I don’t know why everyone hates me. I live with my sisters, my mother, my aunties and my grandmother. But I get bullied at every opportunity and have lost half my feathers. Some say that I must have done something to anger my family. I spend most of my time sat on the perch because if I drop onto the floor then the bullying resumes. My comb has faded and I no longer lay. My owner has threatened to put me into solitary confinement but I think this would make returning to the flock even harder.
This week there was a calm sunny day and I was able to go out and peck at the grass but since then we’ve been confined to barracks. I suspect it won’t be long before I become the basis of minestrone soup. The way I feel about it having studied the great chicken philosophers is that our time on Earth is short and I will go gentle into that long goodnight.

Right girls, Matron hen Mabel speaking...

Being as the big mother hen has failed to give us any greens for 3 days and made us eat tomatoes with white powder, we need to take action.

Barbie, you crap in the nest box, as that's your usual speciality when you don't get your favourite place on the perch anyway.

Sindy - you can lay one of your enormous eggs and peck a hole in it, as you know Father hen won't eat it once it's contaminated with your bad breath.

Miss Muffet, being as you're the prettiest, just stand by the treat box, breathe in and try to look emaciated.

If all else fails, we need to go on egg strike and basically just crap all over the paving slabs that Mother hen hates hosing down in the cold. 10

Poppy here.
It's been quite nice and peaceful here for the past couple of months. The Boss and my Dad have both been quite ill, the weather has been horrible, and none of us have wanted to go out much. I've been able to sleep on the sofa quite a lot of the time, and when I do get asked to take them out for a walk, it's usually been down the road and round the estate. This is preferable to going round the fields, because a) I get to catch up on the latest p-mail, especially rich on Fridays, which are dustbin day, and b) because I don't get my feet and tummy so wet - we Norfolk Terriers have very short legs and long hair under our tums, so on wet muddy days I have to wait for my breakfast whilst She faffs about filling the sink with water and washing it all off. Very undignified, though the towel rub afterwards is quite nice. Sometimes, still muddy, I manage to sneak into the living room before She notices, and then I sit on His chair because He's much nicer to me than she is, he never tries to brush my tangles or clip my nails, and also he doesn't notice the mud so much.

The trouble is, She's now feeling a lot better and wanting to Get Out And Do Things. This is involving a Fitness Drive, longer walks, and - oh horrors - Going On A Diet. She weighed me on Monday and said I had put on 400grams over the winter, what with less exercise and more lovely snacks, and that Something Had To Be Done About It. All my snacks seem to have diminished, down to tiny measly little token offerings, and even what I think of as my proper meals seem to be less than I'm used to. She says she will weigh me again next Monday, 'To see if there's been any improvement' - but I think I shall be thin as a wafer by then. What's a dog to do?

Oh Poppy sweetie you must do what the Boss says or you'll end up looking like a roly-poly pudding. 400g is a lot of extra weight when you're only little, especially if you have very short legs. I'm Smokey, an elegant grey fluffy cat and my mummy keeps putting a wire gate across the doorway so I can't get out of the room. I have very long legs but I broke my left femur and it hasn't healed up yet. I want to go out in the garden - I was doing that last week but mummy says I have to stay indoors so I don't run around too much. I had to go to the vet for more photographs of my leg to see if it was healing properly. I thought the lady there was very nice but it was she who told mummy I had to stay indoor for 4 weeks but at least I don't have to stay in the crate any more. I still go in there because that's where mummy keeps my loo, but I'd rather go in the garden. If I'd been a good girl and hadn't kept escaping whenever I had the chance my leg would probably be healed by now so learn from my mistake Poppy and be a good girl.

Oh I laughed at that. It reminded me of that voltarol advert where the dog digs a hole in the garden and hides it, so he doesn't have to suffer going for walks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqFupRXh174

Izzie here.
I would go with the flow Poppy, otherwise you could end up having to go to the vet like a neighbours dog and she came home with tales of special food which tasted like cardboard. It may take a while but much better than waddling along and being the butt of other canine jokes, or the horror of ending up with some illness and having something called medicine forced down your throat.
My chicken mother said you once spent an afternoon in Wales sitting on her lap and you were very cute.

Bonnie here;
Our chicken mum has been busy moving ornamental planters, ( we prefer calling them raised snack areas) to a corner of the garden, says a bad storm is coming this weekend and we need to batten down the hatches whatever this is. Now us new girls have asked the old girls about this and they have said you will find out it involves lots of wind. Not the sort you get from too much greens then.
Now can anyone out there shed light on this storm thing and advise us accordingly, can we go out, do we need supplies indoors, and should we act odd just to worry her indoors ?
I am sure there are lots of you out there with experience of this. The older girls are just obsessed with something called the beast of the east that they managed to live through. Which I gather means they can cope with anything, well bully for you, we want practical advice now

I'm Nigella, and my friend is called Iris. We've decided to go online to ask for your help and advice, as we think we may be in a very tricky situation.
We've been living with three other hens, Pearl, Coco and Lily. We all arrived here together a long time ago, and apart from Lily's bossiness we've been quite happy really. The food is good, especially at the end of the day when our human brings treats, and our run is comfortable and sheltered from wind and rain. We have rewarded the human with lots and lots of eggs, but somehow, lately, this has become more difficult to do. Coco has had a mucky bum for a couple of months and had to have her bum feathers all cut off, which lets in the cold. She hasn't laid any eggs for weeks and weeks. Lily has begun to lay weird eggs with one flat side and a neat little hole on the flat part. Pearl has never laid very big eggs and lately they've had such thin shells that they often break in the nestbox, (which is great as they are then a nice little snack for the next girl in there.) Iris and I are still laying sometimes and our eggs are quite nice although a bit fragile.

This afternoon, we overheard a worrying conversation between our human and her other human. She was saying 'I could do three of them tonight when it gets dusk, and then leave the other two until next week to see if they lay at all.'

We all went to bed at the usual time, and were just going to sleep when the coop opened up. Our human put her hands in and lifted Coco out, closed the coop, and we heard them going away. A minute after that, we heard a flapping noise, which lasted a few seconds and then it all went quiet.

Then the coop opened again, and Lily was lifted out from where she was sleeping in the nestbox, (naughty girl.) The same thing happened; Lily disappeared, there was a flapping noise, and then silence.

When the coop opened a third time, I had woken up properly and was getting worried. This time, Pearl disappeared, there was another flapping noise, followed by silence.

So here we are together, Iris and I, all alone in this big coop, with no idea where our friends have gone or what has happened to them. Where do you think they've gone?
Without Lily to tell us what to do and where to go, how will we know when to get up in the morning?
Do you think they've gone on holiday without us?

Can anybody out there give us some advice, please?